COVID Satire

August 27, 2021

By NZB3

The virus is detected in wastewater and sewage as the Podium of Truth regularly reports. However, there is no urine test for the virus. The government will be going up your nose painfully. Buckets to be sick in and water to rinse out your mouth afterwards are on standby at the head of all government nose-skewering queues across the nation today.

The virus can, like a bullet, shoot through a corridor in 3 seconds between opened doors.

Low-budget paper partial-face coverings are mandatory even though we know they leak like a sieve and don’t cover the major viral entry point of your eyes.

Pharmac, the long-standing independent medicine-buying agency for the government will not be employed for negotiating and procuring the vaccine. The Labour Government’s Ministry for Business and Innovation will take charge of buying the COVID medicine for the duration of the exercise. “They’ve never even bought an Asprin,” observes Richard Prebble.

“The Simpson/Roche report last September recommended: “All efforts should be made to introduce saliva testing as soon as possible”. Unbelievably, Cabinet has issued “Covid-19 Public Health Response (Point-of-care Tests) order 2021″ banning the unauthorised importing of rapid Covid tests…If Pharmac was purchasing, we would have access to cheap, reliable, do-it-yourself Covid tests.” – Covid 19 coronavirus: Richard Prebble: A better way to beat the virus, NZ Herald (Aug 2021)

“With propaganda like this who needs to be parodies? A good thing too as the state of comedy is oddly lagging behind at the moment. All the ‘comedians’ in New Zealand have so far been bought and made media pets. That can’t last much longer.” – The Propaganda Parody Spectrum, AHNZ (2021)

“Taliban survived a year and a half without masks, social distancing, PCR testing, mandatory vaccines…and now even managed to recapture Kabul and freely rule Afghanistan during a global pandemic…” – Gina Carano

Level 4 lockdown rules: Stay home, “don’t be racist.” “At Alert Level 4, recreational fishing and whitebaiting is not allowed, except for Māori customary fishing and food gathering.” Ref. Only Maoris Can Fish

Don’t talk don’t laugh don’t sing, the virus his highly mobile on droplets of body fluid. The saliva test for the virus is not to be used. Cabinet has issued “Covid-19 Public Health Response (Point-of-care Tests) order 2021” banning the unauthorised importing of rapid Covid tests.

In other news, the Taliban has managed to ‘crush the curve’ of the deadly world-wide pandemic while also taking over the nation of Afghanistan at a very rapid rate.

And this is the news.

This must have been what our post-war world was like before the eyes of young men such as Graham Chapman, John Cleese, Terry Gilliam, Eric Idle, Terry Jones,  Michael Palin, and all their crew and fans. When it became too much the release of comedic catharsis produced a creative outpouring of a new wave of great comedy. New Zealand is in a comedic drought at the moment because, after all, with propaganda like this who needs parody? The new inheritors of Monty Python’s mantle will be well established by mid-decade and when it comes it will, of course, be refreshingly completely something different.

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Ref. Wellington Region Emergency Management Office (WREMOnz); Facebook (2021)

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